Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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