Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
