dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
