I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
