i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
organizing the empties. That sober.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize