she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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