You're my little dorito
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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