How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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