And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
