i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Who died my cat blue again?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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