A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
