he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize