apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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