She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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