stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
