So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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