Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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