yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
