I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
