New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
