and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
