ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
