Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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