I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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