How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
