i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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