Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
