Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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