I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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