Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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