And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
