Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
