I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize