Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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