He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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