Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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