they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
