I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
