when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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