you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize