never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
