Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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