Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
