This dress was meant to end up on your floor
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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