a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
