your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize