So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
