great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just threw up on my dentist
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
