Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
