while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
