she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
