Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
