I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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