grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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