he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
