I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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