Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
