I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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