i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Congratulations! We have a period
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