never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
