A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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