we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize