You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
