I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I will be naked everywhere
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
