The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
