My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
youre lurking in front of me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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