You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
