i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize