I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
