honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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