Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
