So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
