so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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