last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
