I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
