i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
