We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
