So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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