Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
honey bunches of taint.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
