xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
