We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
