i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
