you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
