what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
