I seem to have left my pride at pride
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
