I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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