If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just pee around me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize