i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
