Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
