Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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