Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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