I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
