she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
