um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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