i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
