I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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