Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my poor anus
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
