Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
