Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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