I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
