He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
