So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
