Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Soap is not a condiment
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
