If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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