Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize